Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
