I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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