he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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