Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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