my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
