Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
there's paper in my vomit.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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