Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
