My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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