Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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