i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
