I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
