New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
