She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
