life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
