she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
