Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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