Where are you?
In a non slutty way
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
