If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
