By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
