yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
