Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
