How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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