Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
