I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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