You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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