Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i've created a new STD.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
