is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
