Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
