I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
