Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We need a shit load of segways right now
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Text me some of your sweat
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
