The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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