Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
