hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
