You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
