things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
