so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
there was a trapeze. enough said
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
