He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
