I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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