If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
