it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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