Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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