why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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