woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
