respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
