i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
should my penis look like a turkey
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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