Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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