i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
