Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
