"it" just moved
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
