So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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