you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
