Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
