I could make wine with my vomit
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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