i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
