$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
