i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize