I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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