I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
