Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wish they made helmets for livers.
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There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
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traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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