Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
why is half of my head shaved?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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