I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
