so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
