the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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