do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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