i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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