I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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