its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
