I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
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