Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
