Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
