the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
