Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I could fuck to npr.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
