Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
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He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
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Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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