Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
