weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
