$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
