so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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